CLEARED TO LAND
Flying in India can be challenging at times (in fact most of the time!) ATC's most favourite word is "standby" or "say again." It is guaranteed every single time you ask for anything they will tell you to standby. When it comes to vectoring for an ILS they are not too bad, but unfortunately they are useless at mundane stuff like giving you landing clearance.

Here are a few Indian ATC stories.

When I was flying 320’s in Muscat for Oman Air we used to have a turnaround in Trivandrum (or Thiruvananthapuram as it is officially called) which is in Kerala in Southern India,close to Sri Lanka. It's about a 4 hour flight and we used to leave at about midnight arriving at 6 in the morning local time.

So on arrival you can feel fairly tired and somewhat grumpy. On handover from approach we were greeted with a "say again" by the tower to which we replied and were told to extend our downwind leg!  
"Why" we asked?
"Because the tower only opens at 0600 they replied.
"But the time is 0605" I replied.

 " Say again" !!!!!!!

Which I did and then came the classic - "oh in that case cleared to land."
While we were still about 10 nm from the airfield just entering downwind, we complied with the instruction.

On another occasion en route from Bangkok to Bahrain in an A340 at Fl 340 ATC asked us if we would like to climb Fl 360. A quick look at the cruise page confirmed that we would get there and of course their reply was "standby"

Imagine our amazement when the call came back " Sorry maintain Fl 340,
Fl 360 NOT available "
Why offer it to us in the first place!!!

As a colleague of mine always says the only thing that surprises me is that you continue
to  be surprised.

Whilst waiting for an aircraft to arrive in Madras I asked the ground staff what it's
ETA was ?
" Any time now sir! " it arrived 20 minutes later.

In Bombay (now Mumbai) a question like this is answered with a standard 2 minutes, which is not 120 seconds. In fact I always ask if that is Mumbai 2 minutes or 120 secs?

Night stops are a nightmare mainly because of the unruly road traffic - all trucks have painted on them -
“Honk if you want to pass” and everyone does regardless of whether they want to pass or not!

Ah incredible India as they advertise now days.

India is one place I will not miss when I retire!